Tonight's entry in the Marathon Weekend Russell Crowe Film Series: Virtuosity.

What a mess. I missed this the first time around in 1995, and I didn't miss much.

The plot was endless and confusing, like an elaborate lie. Russell Crowe is a computer-generated killer who is accidentally released into the world. Denzel Washington is the only one who can stop him. Add women, kids, cool industrial locations and William Fichtner (who I first found in Go and have loved since). That's all you really need to know.

Truly, this is one of the worst movies ever, and you can blame it squarely on the script. No one has a chance with lines like, "Sid, I know it was you that turned up the neural sensitivity." Right away, the movie tells you what it is. But everyone keeps a straight face, mostly, and it ends up being fun. Crowe's band is playing on a car radio in one scene. There are worse ways to spend an hour and a half, including Romper Stomper.

It's eye candy, anyway. Denzel Washington is one of the most beautiful humans alive. I've loved him since "St. Elsewhere." Maybe it's the hairdo, but Crowe sort of swings between superkiller and class nerd. I give him props for such an exuberent performance. He probably had more fun than anyone else on the set. But here's the thing: I think he grew into his looks between then and now. Because this ain't Maximus. He looks a little goofy.

I know. It's hard not to look goofy in a movie this bad. It's hard to look cool vaulting a fence in a business suit unless you're James Bond. But still.

Other Crowe fans seem to disagree:

I only have one real complaint about this movie. You'd think that considering Sid [Crowe] had all these serial killers in his head, he'd be a little more perverse. I mean, most deranged killers have a sadistic sexual side. I would have really liked to have seen that. But I guess it would have become too serious if they added that.

- comment from the Internet Movie Database

And on that note, I have no further comment.