February 10, 2002

fighting with furniture

PART ONE: 1:45 AM, SUNDAY MORNING
they're like tinkertoys, only heavier
(from my blog)

I am in SO much pain. Adjectives fail me, but similies don't: I feel like I got hit by a truck.

I skipped Entrain at Harpers tonight because they were opening for and backing Bo Diddley. I've seen enough of him. The last time was about two years ago, and he was both boring and vulgar. But all the college kids will have been there, along with the regulars, for a one-hour Entrain set and too much Bo.

I went to the big hardware/"homeware" store instead and bought, among other things, two more shelves for the black metal shelving in my bedroom. I got everything home around 9:20, chilled out a bit, then got to work around 10:00. I got to a stopping point about fifteen minutes ago. During those three and a half hours, I got an amazing workout, and right now, just about everything hurts.

The poles that hold the shelves are scored, and plastic pieces snap into place around them to hold the shelves. Each plastic holder is wider at the bottom than at the top, which is what keeps the shelves from slipping. Over time, the weight of the stuff on the shelves tightens the shelf against the plastic holder. Getting the shelf to move up and away from the holder on the pole was, shall we say, something of a challenge.

I had to move the existing shelves (three) down further on their poles to accomodate two new shelves. This was accomplished by using brute strength (if something doesn't work, hit it and try again) and accompanied by periodic outbursts of profanity. By the time I finished, my back was screaming and I was covered with dust. But it's done. Damn, I'm good.

I took some Advil and some Naprosyn (better living through chemistry). Alas, I don't have any delicious painkillers like Vicodin left, but the best cure is probably sleep. And a Sunday to recover.

PART TWO: LATE SUNDAY AFTERNOON
proof, with commentary

This is where I started. Sort of. More accurately, this is where I started after removing all the stuff on the shelves and piling it on my bed and my dresser. I also had to haul boxes and suitcases out of my closet to get the ladder (insert short jokes here). The room was, to put it mildly, an astonishing mess.
Hey, progress. I moved three shelves down to make room for the new ones. This was not as easy as it sounds. As I mentioned last night, the shelves had settled over time and tightened the shelf holders. It was like trying to loosen lug nuts put on with a torque wrench. My hands are predictably sore today (read: as if someone had stomped on them).
The shelf holders are two pieces of plastic which snap together around the grooves in the pole and fit together like puzzle pieces. Once the shelf is in place, they're incredibly strong, but until then, you can knock them off with a sneeze. While trying to put the first of the new shelves on, I let the shelf down too quickly, and when it hit the holders, they snapped off and scattered like shrapnel.

Who remembers the annoying game "Operator" and its equally annoying commercials? "It takes a very steady hand..." So does setting a shelf with these holders.
And, finally, it's finished. The shelves look vaguely uneven in this picture, but I assure you that I counted every score mark on each pole to make sure they would be level.

Not really. But I did do a cursory, half-ass check with a measuring tape and they appear to be even. Any perception of tilt in the shelves, therefore, is due either to the shelf settling on the holders or the effects of whatever you've been smoking. When stuff starts sliding off the shelves, I'll let you know.

Last but not least:
the tour d' shelf


tell me to get a life

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