The Guilt

I feel guilty.

I had two appointments this morning. Neither was terribly important. Both can be rescheduled. I woke feeling lousy, so I skipped them. And now I have this Guilt.

The Guilt says: "You'll get charged for the appointments you didn't keep and your insurance won't cover them all and they'll come back to you and you left two doctors waiting without a patient and you're going to run out of medication right over New Year's and getting there is the least you could do and why did you do this?"

I hate the Guilt.

My reply for today: "Oh, for Chrissakes, shut up."

With that out of the way (although it's still there, like a small stone balanced on top of my head), here's the rundown on the rest of situation here at Radio Free Swerve:

The Good News

• I am, once again, officially a college student. This is the third time I have been designated as such. I'm taking Rhetorical Theory and History of Photography in the spring, then Third World Politics and Culture (a class I wanted when I was a student the last time around) and my other requirements in the summer. I will be done with courses for my degree by the end of the summer, unless I decide to stretch it out and take one next fall. My real, actual, grown-up advisor is younger than I am.
• I get 11% off monthly T (subway) passes with my student ID. Every bit helps. T passes are expensive.
• The career center/internship center is mine to use and use it I will. I don't care much about credits (I have so many credits already), but if someone can get my foot in the door with some major papers and their online editions, I'm all over that like white on rice.
• My parents are pleasantly stoked about the student-ness as well, which makes me happy too.
• It's sunny today, however briefly.

The Bad News

• Last week, my friend Julie lost her brother to a sudden illness. I am deeply saddened by her loss. I think of her every day. I'm just lost for words.
• I'm broke. As in, unable to pay bills. Saks was calling every day for a while; I finally said, exasperated, "You think I'm doing this on purpose? I have no money! I'm working on it! Call me next week!" Bastards. You'd think they'd have bigger accounts to chase. I owe them about $120, late fees included.
• I need to move my car and scratch up the cash to pay my tickets before I get booted. Getting booted would just cap off the broke-ness for me. To get unbooted, you have to go down to City Hall and pay them in person, no personal checks. So I'd like to avoid that.