My tooth hurts. A lot.

I don't get it. Yesterday, the dentist shot me up with Novocaine and roto-rootered the nerves out of my tooth. I didn't ask for painkillers because there shouldn't be anything left to hurt. But something does, and the pain has been getting steadily worse all day.

I called the dentists' office and told them I was in pain. They offered me Tylenol 3 and penicillin. Sadly, I can't take codeine, as it makes me pyrotechnically sick. They offered Anaprox when I turned down the codeine. Anaprox? Hello? Read: prescription-strength Aleve. Been there, done that.

Only one thing left to do: flag myself as a Potential Druggie Patient. I called back and told them I needed decent painkillers. I can't make it to next Tuesday (when I have another appointment with the dentist) like this. The entire right side of my head is pounding.

I'm waiting for a return phone call with their next offer. In the meanwhile, I'm using ice and cold water to ease the pain. If they offer me anything less than Vicodin, my head will explode.

Update 1: the dentist told the receptionist to tell me that there's codeine in Vicodin. No, doc, Tylenol 3 is made with codeine; Vicodin is made with hydrocodone. Codeine makes me sick; hydrocodone does not. He doesn't know me at all. (Ed. note: I've since learned that I was wrong -- most patients who can't take codeine can't take anything even related to codeine. Mea culpa. Better research next time.)

The receptionist, poor girl, relayed back to me that the dentist will call when he's done with a procedure. 6:00 - 6:30 range. Please don't screw me over. Please.

And UPS is doing it again! I went downstairs in search of my package from Amazon, only to find another note from the UPS guy. I had explained that my doorbell was broken and he could leave the package in the mailroom. His reply: "How am I supposed to get in?"

Well, that's a good question. How does the FedEx guy get in? How does the Airborne Express guy get in? And why doesn't the UPS guy carry a cell phone? All he had to do was call the number I left for him and I'd have buzzed him right into the lobby. But UPS says their guys don't carry phones.

I'm a little puzzled about what to do next. Have I mentioned that I hate UPS?

Update 2: the dentist wants me to come in tomorrow. I guess that leaves me stuck for tonight. I have no idea how I'm supposed to finish homework or sleep or sit through class tomorrow. I'm supposed to tough it out. Please insert the expletive of your choice here. Many, actually, strung in a row.

I can feel my pulse in my tooth.

From the trenches: under sustained attack by naproxen and ibuprofen forces, which were supported by several units from the ice guard, the Toothache has subsided into a dull, quiet ache.

Strategists are split on the question of whether the Toothache has been beaten. There is some concern regarding a possible predawn assault, when low levels of vital painkillers may leave the body vulnerable to attack by a regrouping Toothache.

More important, however, is the matter of sleep before the Toothache returns and renders sleep impossible. It is with a sense of solemn duty that I go the hell to bed, like, now.