People! I need your help! (Well, I need someone's help, anyway.)

I just had a visit with my car, and it was decidedly hostile. I pushed the button on my keychain which disables the Extremely Annoying Alarm, but it didn't give me the friendly double-beep and ka-chunk of doors unlocking. It gave me nothing, sullen under eight inches of snow. Dead battery or receiver blocked by snow?

I unlocked the door by hand and the alarm went off. Loudly. Bouncing off the brownstones on my quiet, sunny street. I cringed. I got behind the wheel and tried to start the car, figuring that if it seemed so frisky, it must have enough juice to start. But the alarm doesn't just make noise. It also disables the ignition.

If I remember correctly, the standard alarm on a Saab both disables the ignition and locks the hood. I have no idea whether I have a hood lock in place; I've never tried to find out. But you can see where this is headed: I call AAA for a jumpstart, AAA guy arrives and can't start the car, neighborhood rallies into a mob and kills me for disturbing the peace with twenty minutes of automated honking while AAA man gets the hell out of Dodge.

What do I do?

Edited to add: I am clueless. It didn't occur to me that the keychain device itself needs a battery. I'm going back out to disturb the peace and get my owner's manual from the car.

Edited again, 5:00 pm: I found the backup remote. The batteries are dead in that one too. Interestingly, it's extremely scratched up, undoubtedly from the previous owner trying to open it to change the batteries. This procedure is not explained in the manual. Clearly, they want me to go to my Saab dealership to get the batteries changed. Meshuganeh!

Edited again, 5:20 pm: Freude! If you tinker with something long enough, you'll either find out how it works or break it (sometimes both). I used a picture-hanger nail to push the remote open and it worked! Two 3-volt lithium batteries tumbled out like hidden treasure. A walk to the drugstore and back and I'll be in business. Ha! I am tenacious when pissed off.

Three stores, two aching feet, one battery: someone's got it in for me.

A quick recap for listeners just tuning in: the batteries in the remote car-alarm disabler/door unlocker for my car died sometime in the last week. I planned to drive out to see a friend tonight, but had to replace the batteries in the remote because the car won't start without the alarm (and ignition lock) disabled. See previous entry for wacky details.

Once the problem was identified, it should have been a simple matter of going to a pharmacy, picking up a pair of 2016 lithium watch batteries, snapping them into the remote, and driving away. But the first store had only one 2016 battery. The clerk even checked in the back for me. No dice. I bought the battery and headed to another store.

No 2016s. "You could try this one, it's, like, almost the same size," the clerk told me. Next.

Third store: no watch or hearing aid batteries at all.

By this time, my feet were killing me and my mood was heading south, fast. I had one more choice: hoof it to the other CVS (half-mile each way), where I have to go tomorrow anyway, or give up and go home.

I called my friend and gave him the story. He's used to me by now; he said to chill out and come over tomorrow. Which I will do, because not only is he good company, his dog is good company too. She's blond and goofy and sings a joyous round of excited howls when I come over. Between the two of them, visitors get a terrific mood adjustment.

And as for tonight, much laughter on the phone has put me right back into a happy mood. Tomorrow, I will conquer the battery problem, visit my friend, come home before the snow gets heavy, and get cracking on major homework.

From the ridiculous to the sublime in two hours.