Part I

I must take a moment to announce my complete and total appreciation for my superintendent. He is my knight in stonewashed jeans.

Sitting here calmly and cheerfully preparing for my photography final, I suddenly heard a terrifying noise: the buzz of a very large bee. I turned around and saw an absolute monster of a bee banging against the inside of my biggest window.

Know this: I am allergic to bees. Not ouch-and-local-swelling allergic, but anaphylactic-shock-possible-death allergic. This bee was too big for a honeybee and too thick and heavy for a wasp. I have no idea what it was. I just know that it was enormous.

Once my initial frozen moment had passed, I leapt bravely into action. First, I put on some shoes, in case it ended up on the floor. Then I grabbed the phone, backed as far away as the cord would allow, and called my superintendent.

He came up right away. He took the dish towel I'd given him and went to the window. "Oh, this is really big," he said, sounding surprised. I'm sure he's heard "enormous bug" from tenants before and arrived to find something much smaller than expected. This, however, was no exaggeration.

He waited for the bee to alight, then whacked it hard with the towel. It dropped to the windowsill and stayed there. He gave my towel back and left with a smile, taking the vanquished bee with him.

Saint Luiz, conquerer of bees, I salute you.

(I'm still shaking.)